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Starting School: A Guide for Parents and Carers

starting school tips

Starting school is a big milestone that marks the beginning of a new chapter for children, their families and caregivers. From fun-filled orientations to shopping for supplies and getting dressed for the first day, the lead-up to school is a time of excitement and uncertainty, so it’s natural for everyone to feel a bit anxious.

This guide, thoughtfully crafted by our team of experienced child psychologists and occupational therapists, will help you navigate the path to school no matter how bumpy it might be. It offers tips and strategies for managing emotions, building connections and shaping a joyful and enriching start to their school years.

BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS

Begin with the foundations

More than anything, connection-building and reassurance are important. Stepping bravely into a new adventure can be overwhelming for kids (and adults), so providing a steady stream of support and understanding can make a difference.

When the world feels big and scary, words of reassurance and a tight hug can help your child feel safe and seen. Let them know it’s normal to be nervous about new experiences and that they’re not alone. You might like to share your story of starting school or talk about their friends who feel the same way. Either way, focus on the things you know they might enjoy, like making new friends, learning new things or a particular activity like art.

Wherever possible, involve your child in the process of getting prepared for school. This gives them a chance to make small decisions and have a sense of ownership during the transition. Being involved and learning the ropes can also reduce the stress of busy days.

Get familiar with the school

Separation is hard for parents and kids, especially in a new environment that you’re both unfamiliar with. A simple way to help your child adjust to school and ease any separation anxiety you might both feel is to explore the school environment together.

Take a drive to the school during a holiday or weekend, spend some fun time on the playground, and walk them through where you’ll drop off and pick up each day. Just as a warm hug and comforting words can alleviate their worries, this familiarity can build their confidence and comfort in a new setting.

Use social storytelling

As parents, we want to trust that our children will be safe and capable in their new school environment. This trust can significantly reduce our stress, allowing us to support their transition more confidently and positively.

Creating and reading social stories is a great way to help your child learn about the school, get familiar with the setting, understand things they might do each day and get to know the faces of the principal and teachers. Some schools include social narratives in their welcome pack, but you can also create your own social story using a template.  

Is your child a bookworm? When reading together, include stories about starting school. Talk about the characters, their emotions, and their adventures to help your child connect with the experience.

Visual aids like a countdown calendar can also be fun and informative.

Practise your new routine

Like social stories, practising your new school routine can help your child feel more prepared and less overwhelmed when the school bell finally rings.

If your mornings need to start earlier than usual, make the change a couple of weeks before the school term begins. Try to build more structure into your days to mimic the activity-play-activity rhythm of school.

If your child has a new lunch box, get it out and use it during the holidays. Simple things like packing, zipping and emptying their lunchbox can build confidence. Encourage them to try on their school uniform so they know what it feels like and to ensure it fits.

Be mindful of your language

The language you choose can play a role in shaping your child’s feelings about starting school. Instead of marking this transition with finality, such as saying “This is your last day at daycare,” try to use more positive language. Use phrases like “We’re saying goodbye to daycare to get ready for our new adventure at school!” This approach frames starting school as the beginning of something new and exciting.

Normalise feelings of anxiety and worry. Try saying things like “Starting school can make you feel worried or scared, but I’ll be here for you. I’ll drop you off in the morning and come back in the afternoon like I always did at daycare.”

Lean on helpful resources

If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed as a parent, remember it’s okay to seek assistance. Turning to resources and support during these times helps you and models an essential skill for your child. It teaches them that there are steps we can take in moments of uncertainty and people who can help.

Heading off to school is a big change for your child, but it’s also a significant change for you. Keep in mind that emotions are contagious and can easily transfer from parent to child, so the better prepared you are to manage your anxiety, the more equipped you’ll be to support them as they settle into school.

THE FIRST FEW WEEKS

Slow down and connect

Aim to slow down and enjoy time together in the days leading up to school. This could mean having breakfast together, reading a book or simply enjoying a quiet moment before the day begins.

Be prepared to support your child through a mix of emotions. While some kids transition easier than others, it’s common for them to show lots of big feelings in the lead-up to school that aren’t always related to school. They might feel overwhelmed and emotional, clingy, and generally respond differently than usual.

So, be ready to offer support in the way that best suits them, whether that’s through conversation, quiet time, or a comforting hug.

Balance activities with rest

Consider reducing household chores and adjusting your child’s extracurricular schedule to allow for more downtime. The excitement of starting school, along with the increased cognitive load, is likely to make them feel more tired and potentially stressed. Our guide to spotting stress in your child can help you notice behavioural and emotional changes that might signal the need for extra rest. 

Do they have a favourite activity, like swimming or dancing? Keeping it as a part of their regular routine during this transition can be helpful. However, if there’s an activity they’re not as fond of, now might be a good time to take a break from it.

Allow space to process

After school, allow your child the time and space they need to unwind. Some children might want to talk about their day right away, while others might need quiet time or physical activity to relax. Understand and respect their individual needs for processing their day.

Support their unique needs

If your child is neurodivergent or finding the transition particularly challenging, don’t hesitate to seek extra support. This could involve scheduling additional appointments with your healthcare team or discussing specific needs and support strategies with the school.

Celebrate milestones

Finally, marking the end of the first week with a special activity can be a wonderful way to celebrate this new chapter. Whether it’s a favorite family dinner or a treat like ice cream, it’s a great way to acknowledge their accomplishment and the start of their school journey.

Step by step together

As your child takes their first steps into their school life, hold their hand with love and assurance, knowing that you’re doing a great job. Remember, each child is unique, so adapt these tips to fit your family’s needs and dynamics. Here’s to a successful and joyful start to school life.

Pathological Demand Avoidance: A Guide for Parents and Carers

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is a profile on the autism spectrum, characterised by children who avoid the demands and expectations of everyday life to an extreme extent.

Also known as Extreme Demand Avoidance, PDA commonly presents as highly anxious behaviour and a need for control, especially in unpredictable situations.

While demand avoidance is common in all children, it reaches an all-consuming level in kids living with PDA. Conventional strategies and tools rarely help, leaving parents, carers and educators feeling helpless.

In this post, we explore features of the PDA profile, testing and diagnosis, and the pathway to support.

Living with Pathological Demand Avoidance

Life is a constant battle between fight, flight and freeze for children living with PDA. Unrelenting anxiety drives an obsessive need to resist demands, leading to meltdowns, avoidance, and, at times, extreme behaviour.

Kids with PDA use control, distraction and social strategies to bypass activities they usually enjoy. While this might seem willfully disobedient, meeting demands is out of their control. When PDA takes hold, all suggestions are perceived as demands, and anxiety accelerates.

In a highly anxious state, the brain of a child with PDA is frantically assessing, questioning and buzzing until, eventually, it goes offline and shuts down. When this happens, it’s a matter of can’t complete tasks versus won’t complete tasks.

At its core, PDA is a neurological power struggle between the 
brain, body and heart. 

DR NICOLE CARVILL

With PDA at play, social interaction, communication and friendships can become tricky, and children need lots of support to manage their emotions.

School, with all its rules and regulations, tends to be a difficult environment for most children with PDA. It is hard to get to school on time, wear a uniform, follow instructions, socialise, and complete activities, especially if they don’t really interest you.

Living with PDA is challenging for children and their family members, but it is not without reward. Kids with PDA tend to be charismatic, tenacious, creative and have a great sense of humour. Their determination and steadfast resolve can be helpful when navigating their way through life.

Behavioural features of PDA

As mentioned, high anxiety is a key component of Pathological Demand Avoidance. When children with PDA feel uncertain or out of control, they instinctively try to take control and may exhibit a number of the following behavioural features:

  • An obsessive need for control
  • Refusal to cooperate or take part
  • Mood fluctuations 
  • Limited ability to socialise and understand boundaries
  • Insisting that others comply with their demands
  • A tendency to perceive themselves as an adult and use adult language
  • A rich fantasy or role play world

To alleviate their anxiety and control situations, children with PDA struggle to do the things we take for granted—like putting on shoes and preparing to leave the house. Often, they’ll make elaborate excuses and sabotage situations to avoid participating.  

Strategies and coping mechanisms vary between kids and can manifest in different ways. Most commonly, children with PDA:

  • Use distraction as a tool to avoid situations or tasks
  • May sabotage events or make elaborate excuses to avoid participating
  • Can be controlling or dominating, especially during play with other children
  • Use frank (and sometimes hurtful) language to control their environment
  • Shout, say no or experience a meltdown
  • Occasionally, anxiety escalates to aggression or self-harm

For some kids, emotions swing from one extreme to the other. 

"PDA is like trying to face your phobias every waking moment!"

– Riko, Riko’s blog.

When distraction, control and avoidance strategies fail, anxiety levels skyrocket, and distress escalates. Adults with PDA sometimes liken this feeling to a panic attack.

The PDA scale of distress

The following illustration provides  a sense of how Pathological Demand Avoidance unfolds for most kids.

As you can see, the PDA Scale of Distress begins in a state of calm, escalating to shut down as demands, expectations and anxiety increase.

  • In the green zones, kids are calm and can engage with those around them but may use distraction and procrastination to avoid demands
  • The yellow zone marks a progression to social withdrawal and a reduced ability to communicate
  • In the orange zone, children with PDA become incapable of meeting demands and expectations
  • The red zone is where the flight, fight or freeze response is activated. Panic, anger and total shutdown are common and kids need extra support to regulate.

Testing for Pathological Demand Avoidance

Health professionals cannot formally diagnose PDA in Australia until the profile is recognised in the global DSM-5 Diagnostic Manual. However, a PDA-aware child psychologist can help you with assessment, profiling and ongoing support.

Your child should have a confirmed Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis to be assessed for PDA. 

PDA is often misdiagnosed as ODD
(Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

Why does this happen? 

Like autism, PDA is dimensional and presents differently between individuals, making diagnosis challenging for some children. Characteristics of the PDA profile can overlap with ASD and ODD, leaving interpretation open to human error, like most things in life. 

For this reason, a professional may indicate that your child is presenting with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, primarily due to a focus on defiant behaviour.

While autism is a globally recognised diagnosis, our understanding of the autism spectrum and profile subtypes, like PDA, is still evolving.

The PDA testing process

PDA profiling generally forms part of an ASD assessment, undertaken via referral to a PDA-aware child psychologist specialising in autism. You won’t need a referral if your child already has a confirmed ASD diagnosis. 

The testing process is collaborative and involves key caregivers in a child’s life, including parents, educators and other relevant professionals. 

The assessment phase can vary between clinics, but usually includes the following steps:

Step one is a parent-only appointment to:

  • explore your child’s developmental history and skills 
  • discuss particular concerns and talk openly about challenges
  • fill out a take-home a parent/carer questionnaire 

Step two is a face-to-face appointment with your child focused on:

  • building a relationship and trust
  • exploring PDA characteristics through conversation, games and activities that interest them
  • using non-directive language to introduce ideas

In this session, we will also explore potential sensory stressors which can assist with profiling and support. 

Parents are welcome at face-to-face appointments. 

Step three involves seeking feedback from educators and other professionals familiar with your child to explore how they present in a range of environments. 

Step four will determine a PDA profile, if appropriate. 

Armed with the above information, your child psychologist will apply clinical judgement to diagnose a PDA profile. Younger children who are still developing or don’t fulfil all profile criteria can be diagnosed “at high risk” of PDA.  

The testing process can span a number of weeks and seem daunting at first. Despite this, parents are often relieved by the outcome, as it gives them a better understanding of their child’s needs and a framework for moving forward. 

As with all developmental challenges, early testing and identification can improve the quality of life for your child and family. 

How to support children with PDA (strategies)

If your child is identified as having a PDA profile, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to navigate this new path alone. 

Helping your child control their anxiety is the primary goal of support.  

For some parents, the path to effective support begins with a mindset shift. Understanding that your child’s behaviour is driven by anxiety (rather than deliberate behaviour) allows you to better communicate, think ahead and support their needs. 

“There is no one-size-fits-all approach to PDA care. Often the strategies we lean on for children with autism can make things worse for children with PDA. Plus, what works well for one child may not work for another, and the effectiveness of strategies can shift over time.”

– Dr Nicole Carvill, Think Psychologists. 

The following strategies can be explored and tested in a clinical setting and at home: 

  • Gently reframe language to be less direct and more conversational. Instead of “I need you to,” use phrases like “I wonder if we can” or “maybe we could investigate”
  • Offer a greater sense of control. Allow your child the option to say no or pick between two choices
  • Identify the likelihood of sensory overwhelm in upcoming situations and reduce the overwhelm where possible. Consider exploring sensory issues via an OT to reduce uncertainty
  • Increase familiarity with situations and tasks to reduce your child’s anxiety
  • Keep tasks aligned with your child’s interests where possible
  • Think about the length of tasks and activities. Things that take too long to complete may lead to higher anxiety. 

Most importantly, be flexible and collaborative with your child when it comes to tasks and expectations. And, if things don’t go as expected, try not to take it personally. Highly anxious PDA kids can make hurtful comments, and this is where reframing is important.

A note for educators:

Keep in mind that building a relationship with a child who has PDA can take time. The child likely has a history of challenging interactions with authority figures, so you must establish trust before working on strategies. 

Medication and tools for PDA

Medication to alleviate anxiety can be helpful for some children with PDA. Introducing medicine is a personal choice and one you can explore in collaboration with your child’s psychologist and paediatrician.

Resources and training

Register your interest for our upcoming Supporting kids with PDA online workshop, ideal for parents, educators and education assistants, support workers and therapy assistants.

Expand your knowledge through the PDA Society UK, PDAANZ (Australia and NZ) and follow PDA ambassador The Naughty Autie.

How to Choose a Psychologist for Your Child

As seen on Hey Sigmund.

Choosing a Psychologist to support you and your child as you navigate through the maze of parenting and child development can be tricky and a little daunting.

You may have been given a list of names, and somehow you need to select the right person to help.

How do you choose? What qualities should you look for in a psychologist?

Even though I am a psychologist, the best way for me to answer this question is like a mum.

Like you, I love my children. I love them so much that the word ‘love’ doesn’t feel big enough to describe the strength of my feelings. Bearing that in mind, I’m looking for someone I can entrust with the wellbeing of my child and a piece of my heart.

So if you’re looking for a psychologist to help your child you need one that will support you to help your child above all.

Here are the 6 Essential Questions You Need to Consider When Choosing a Psychologist (with my mum-hat on).

  1. Has the psychologist got experience in the area that you’re concerned about? For example, if your child is struggling with attention, has the psychologist worked with children with attention difficulties before?
  1. Will your child feel safe with the psychologist? Do you think they are someone your child can have fun with? Because learning new skills doesn’t have to feel like hard work, no play. In fact, with children it’s more effective if it’s fun.

    How do you know if your child will feel safe enough with the psychologist if you haven’t chosen them yet? Trust your judgement here. You know your child best, and you should have an opportunity to at least speak with the prospective psychologist before booking an appointment for your child.
  1. Does the psychologist speak with language that you (and your child) can easily understand?

    We need someone who will be able to communicate effectively with us. No big words that leave you or your child feeling confused and even more vulnerable.
  1. Do they exude warmth and empathy? For your child to progress and receive the help they need, you will need someone you can talk to with no fear of judgement. After all, if you don’t feel their warmth, how can you expect your child to feel comfortable enough to receive their help?
  1. Will they just listen? This is one of the most important points you need to consider. If it’s all talk, talk, talk, you won’t feel that what you have to say has been heard.
  1. Go with your gut. Ask yourself “Do I feel relaxed with this psychologist?” The ability to build rapport and the quality of the relationship are two important predictors of the effectiveness of the intervention.

For me personally, I’d also want the opportunity to have a good chat with the potential psychologist before they meet my child. I’d like the opportunity to talk to them without my child being in the room. Who wants to share all of their concerns in front of their child? Not me. During this chat, I’d also get a sense of their warmth and personality. Do I think they would be a good fit with my child?

This is exactly why I – now with my psychologist’s hat back on – always give parents the opportunity to meet me first. The first session with me is without their child, because as a parent, this is exactly how I would like to be treated. There’s no way I could feel right reporting all of my concerns to a psychologist with my child present, and I’m positive you wouldn’t either.

And if you have seen other psychologists in the past and you feel disheartened that they weren’t right for you, please know that this wasn’t a reflection of the psychologist’s skills, nor an indication that psychological therapy or assessment “hasn’t worked,” but simply an indicator that the relationship wasn’t the right one.

Please, do not let this stop you pursuing working with a psychologist, just keep searching until you find one that will support your journey with your child.

Above all, when choosing a psychologist to work with your child, I wouldn’t be too concerned with the number of letters after their name. Because what’s so much more important is choosing a psychologist who is kind, who will listen without judgement and who will equip us with the tools and information we need to navigate our way through our moment of challenge.

I believe that when it comes to our children, what could be more important than feeling heard and finding answers?

Dr Nicole Carvill

Siblings of Children with a Disability: What Parents Need to Know

This post was first published for Hey Sigmund – a leading resource for research and news in psychology.

As parents, we’re constantly concerned with doing the best for our children; with the time, resources and energy we have. And as parents of a child with a disability, much of life is focussed on providing additional support to meet their needs. Extra time, different rules and more appointments. With so much focus on a child with a disability, how do we make sure we’re meeting the needs of their siblings?

Often, it’s the sibling of the child with a disability that presents as the “good child.”  Due to  their attunement to the needs of their brother or sister, the “good child” will present as so capable, self-directed and frankly — easy — that parents may not give them as much attention as they ideally need. I know this, not just as a psychologist who works in this area, but also because I am the sibling of a person with a disability.

I want to state upfront that I adore my (now adult) brother. He is truly a gift in my life and for our family. Because my brother has needed extra care and support through his life (and mine), I’ve developed an acute understanding of the experience of siblings of children with disabilities. This post addresses exactly what parents need to be aware of, along with some practical tips, to embrace the gifts and work with the challenges that siblings of a child with disabilities face.

What challenges do siblings face?

ATTENTION

Children with disabilities tend to get more attention than other children within the family. This is to be expected. Their needs are different. How can parents ensure these siblings get as much attention, when they are likely feeling stretched to the limits most days? It may be unrealistic to aim for equal time, and since these children often become independent and self-directed they don’t necessarily demand extra attention from their parents. Therefore it’s crucial to actually schedule regular one-to-one time in the diary, the same way you would schedule in a medical appointment for the child that has additional needs.

The time you schedule in does not need to be huge chunk either, but it does need to be one on one, regular and consistent. It is simply time spent for connection. It may look like 20 minutes each evening or 1 hour each week devoted to one-on-one time with a parent. This isn’t a set prescription, but it is vitally important so that your son and daughter knows they matter. It is also preventative, since these siblings tend to minimise their own problems because the family has enough to deal with. Scheduling in this time for connection means your child has the time and space to air concerns and worries they have, so these don’t escape your notice.

EXTRA RESPONSIBILITY

Siblings of children with a disability, by necessity, become extremely responsible and helpful children. They are viewed by their parents as capable and sometimes they are seen as more capable than they actually are. As parents it can be tempting to rely on siblings to provide additional care for their brother or sister, but this can force them to grow up too soon. Even if they seem capable of this extra responsibility, I strongly advise reviewing this aspect of their life regularly. If you need support on what is and isn’t appropriate, chat to your psychologist or therapist.

COPING WITH BIG FEELINGS

Most people respond really kindly to people with a disability. However, some people do not. As parents of a child with a disability you’ve likely had a mixture of experiences. Your other child or children are also coping with reactions from strangers out in public. As much as they love their brother or sister, there may be times where they have to navigate strong negative emotions (e.g., anger at someone’s response to their sibling or discomfort about the additional attention that comes with being different).

The scheduled one-to-one time you spend with the sibling or siblings is important, as this is a time they may work through feelings and reflect on experiences. It’s something beautiful that you can do together. Without this time and space, however, children may internalise those feelings and they may build up over time.

It’s not doom and gloom however. Being the sibling of a child with disability brings many gifts. In fact, children with disabilities are a gift.

So what gifts do siblings receive?

Empathy and compassion

Without a doubt, the sibling of a child with a disability will develop greater empathy and compassion than their peers. They will witness firsthand the struggles of people who are different and this is an enormous gift for our community. Siblings tend to be very loving and caring and we need more love in the world.

Resilience

Families of children with additional needs face extra pressures and challenges. And we’re stronger for it. According to a University of Melbourne study on childhood resilience, resilience is defined as “the ability to cope or ‘bounce back’ after encountering negative events, difficult situations, challenges or adversity, and to return to the same level of emotional wellbeing….also the capacity to respond adaptively to difficult circumstances and still thrive” Simply by being a sibling of a child with a disability, they are developing resilience that will enhance their capacity to cope throughout their life. This cannot be underestimated. I want to emphasise these gifts because some families may get stuck in the challenges.

ADVOCATES FOR INCLUSIVE COMMUNITIES

Not only do siblings develop compassion, empathy and resilience, which are all important, they tend to go on to advocate for inclusive communities. Within their school, sporting club or later — in their workplace — these siblings will be the ones who continually fight for respect, inclusivity and understanding for all: they’ll challenge discrimination and be champions of social justice.   Who are the people building a better world? It’s likely  these children. So let’s ensure they get the attention, level of responsibility and support they need to thrive and advocate for a kinder world.

Final Thoughts

With hindsight I can now appreciate all of the things about my brother (who has an intellectual disability, hearing impairment and a few other diagnoses) that I once found challenging when we were younger. I love his big personality and exuberant greetings to everyone he meets and his tendency to offer non-discriminant hugs to everyone. As a young and very reserved child I used to cringe at this but now I see him as a person with an amazing capacity to love others regardless of how they treat him. My brother doesn’t worry about other people’s perceptions of him, he doesn’t judge, he doesn’t worry about money or material items. He just wants to connect with others and to make them feel good. I admire his purity of heart.  Shouldn’t we all strive to be a little more like him?

Additional Reading

View the University of Melbourne’s Literature Review for the Department of Education and Early Childhood Development by clicking the button below.

Building Resilience in Children and Young People

Executive Function: What Every Parent Should Know

Dear Parent,

I see that you’re frustrated. And I see that your child is too.

You wish your child would just listen, follow through and complete their schoolwork; stop getting so distracted and stop over-reacting when things don’t go their way.

What if I told you that what appears to be a behavior issue; something worthy of a time-out, lecture, loss of privilege or other such punishment, might actually be a cognitive issue, requiring quite a different response?

Perhaps you would feel more hopeful, rather than frustrated. That is my intention in sharing with you the importance of Executive Functioning.

In my work as a psychologist, I love empowering parents to help their children thrive. The starting point is to gain a true picture of what is really going on for your child. To understand your child requires compassion, yes, but also correct information.

Executive Functioning is of vital importance to children’s success and happiness, yet most parents aren’t familiar with what Executive Functioning is, let alone how to help a child who has Executive Functioning issues.

Parents often come to me because their child is:

  • Easily distracted
  • Not listening
  • Acting out and getting into trouble
  • Not doing as they are told
  • Appearing vague, disruptive or defiant.

When children present such “behavioural problems” often what actually needs to be assessed and addressed relates to Executive Functioning.

Why is Executive Functioning so important?

Executive Functioning is the greatest indicator of your child’s success and happiness in the classroom, at home and beyond.

Studies have even proven that your child’s executive functions between age 3 and 11 are predictive of physical health and mental health (whether they are more likely to be overweight or have substance abuse problems), future earnings, and even marital harmony.

Bottom line: If you want your child to eventually find and keep a job, be a dependable and happy adult, then you need to care about their Executive Functions.

So what are Executive Functions?

Executive Functions are cognitive processes; they are a set of mental skills that help us accomplish tasks, stay calm and think creatively.

Therefore, Executive Functioning relates to our ability to reason and problem solve; to plan, get things done, display self-control; all the mental skills we need to thrive as adults, but that are still developing until age 25.

FACT #1: It’s your child’s executive functions that are one of the greatest indicators of mental, emotional and physical health.

FACT #2: Executive Function issues are overwhelmingly encountered as poor or disruptive behavior and responded to as such.

What are Core Executive Functions and what do they look like in children?

If we think of Executive Function as an umbrella term for important mental control processes; we can understand three components of it; Working Memory, Inhibitory Control and Mental Flexibility.

1. Working Memory

Working Memory allows us to hold bits and pieces of information in our mind and mentally figure things out. Working Memory helps us reason, solve problems and plan.

What does this look like?

You can imagine you child’s Working Memory visually as a post-it note. Depending on their stage of development, they will have a relatively small post-it-note (able to hold just a few bits of information) to quite large (able to mentally work with lots of pieces of information).

If you ask your child to “get off the couch, go and get your reader, but first wash your hands, don’t forget the soap, and bring me a pen for your diary”, would their post-it-note be big enough to handle those instructions?

What happens if you find them in the bathroom washing their hands, completely forgetting that they needed to go and get their reader and a pen (which were in two separate locations in your house)?

While a natural response may be one of frustration, or a suspicion that your child hasn’t listened – or shouldn’t have gotten distracted, your best response comes from an awareness of your child’s Working Memory.

My aim, as a psychologist, is to support children to grow the size of their post-it-notes/Working Memory; and helping parents learn strategies to increase the capacity of their child’s Working Memory is crucial.

2. Inhibitory Control

While Working Memory allows us to hold information mentally; make and follow through on plans, this requires attention. And focused attention requires some Inhibitory Control.

Inhibitory Control involves self-control, discipline; being able to manage interference and distractions while staying focused on a task.

As core Executive Functions, our Inhibitory Control and Working Memory work together to help us stay focused on a goal or carry out a plan, as we block out internal and external distractions.

IMPORTANT: Our kids live, as we do, in a digital smorgasbord, dominated by screens competing for attention. Understanding and enhancing Executive Functioning is crucial for your kids survival in our world today.

What does this look like?

Your child’s inhibitory control relates to whether they can stay seated in class; when their urge is to jump out and run around. In children (and adults) it relates to holding your tongue or saying something inappropriate, showing up to training sessions (when you’d rather stay on the couch), resisting temptations for the pursuit of a higher goal.

There are ways to improve inhibitory control, and it’s important that your child’s age and developmental stage is taken into account.

3. Mental Flexibility

Mental Flexibility, or Cognitive Flexibility, is linked to creativity and involves being able to think in different ways, see new possibilities and perspectives.

Often children can feel frustrated because their original plan has failed and they are unable to conceive of an alternative way of solving the problem.

What does this look like?

Displaying a high level of mental flexibility looks like ‘out of the box’ thinking; new and novel ideas; noticing and taking advantage of opportunities.

A beautiful quote that reflects the reality of poor mental flexibility comes from Alexander Graham Bell:

“When one door closes, another door opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

Wouldn’t you love to help your child see the doors that open; to be able to conceptualise problems and ideas in lots of ways? Life is so much happier when children develop mental flexibility. Kids with mental flexibility usually roll with the punches, get along better with others, and recover from setbacks.

What are the best ways to boost Executive Function in children?

Studies show that music, martial arts, singing, dancing and sports improve our Executive Functions.

Specifically, the strongest evidence for improving Executive Function includes:

MINDFULNESS + MEDITATION

The results of a school-based program based on mindful awareness practices (MAPS) found that children with poor executive functions benefited the most from mindfulness and meditation practices.

MARTIAL ARTS

Traditional martial arts, such as Tae-Kwon-Do, are proven to increase executive function in children.

What other activities can boost Executive Function?

Harvard University has compiled a downloadable resource for enhancing Executive Function based on age. Access here.

What is the link between ADD and Executive Functions?

Attention-related disorders are related to Executive Functioning, but Executive Function Disorder is different to Attention Deficit Disorder. This is why it’s so crucial that children are assessed correctly. PLUS: All parents need to be aware of Executive Functioning, whether they have concerns or not.

What can you do to boost your child’s executive functioning?

The short answer: plenty.

The biggest block to supporting your child’s executive functions is simply: not knowing what executive functions are.

Now that you’ve read this article, you know exactly what executive functions are and the important role they play. Which means you’re in an empowered position to truly help your child thrive.

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